Yearly Archives: 2015

  • I miss you

    Posted on December 25, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Letters to Morgan.

    Dear Morgan, It’s Christmas Eve. About 11pm. We have stuffed the stockings, wrapped the presents and Gavin and Dad are putting together Brooklyn’s new play kitchen. I miss you. Everything today reminded me that you are gone. I am trying to get into the holiday spirit, I really am. But it’s a bitter reminder that […]

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  • Surviving the loss

    Posted on December 12, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Life after Death.

    Apparently I missed the memo. You know, the one that said grief comes in stages. That once you are past stage one you go on to stage two, then three, then four, then…. you’re done. That seems to be the way the world expects grief to be. That there is a time limit , no […]

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  • The blessed

    Posted on November 28, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Life after Death, Our Rainbow.

    “No, It’s my 5th” That is the answer I give to the question everyone asks – “Is this your first”. My burgeoning, pregnant belly is pretty obvious now. Not that I’m trying to hide it – in fact I’m pretty proud of it. My belly, and who wriggles inside, is so much more than just […]

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  • The second Halloween

    Posted on November 8, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Letters to Morgan, Life after Death.

    Morgan, The girls missed you this Halloween, just like they did last year. They talk about you all the time – and they ask where you are. Especially Brooklyn. She was just 2 years old when  you passed away last year and she really, truly misses you. She rubs my belly and asks “is that […]

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  • A year gone by

    Posted on October 9, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Life after Death.

    If there is one thing I have learned over the years it is that if you think you are going to fool kids, you aren’t. They have this sixth sense of knowing when their parents are not quite happy, and they tend to follow suit. When kids are little they tend to get cranky. They fight […]

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  • Mixed bag

    Posted on September 27, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Our Rainbow.

    15 weeks today… About the size of an apple. Really? There are so many different size apples. Like a Costco monster apple or a tiny Food Lion apple? 4″… that seems like a big apple to me! I am so excited about this baby… but I feel so disconnected. I think it’s because I’m just […]

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  • Choosing Joy

    Posted on August 26, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Life after Death.

    This week, this 3rd week of August, we sent our school-aged children back into the Frey. Gavin is a sophomore in High School (ummm…. share with me how THAT happened so fast!), and Taylor is in the 1st grade. Brooklyn is still at her pre-school, but she will be turning 3 in a few short […]

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  • 10 months away

    Posted on August 9, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Letters to Morgan.

    Dear Morgan, It’s mommy again. Still here… still missing you. Today marks 10 months without you here. 10 months ago today we watched you unexpectedly slip away from us and go home. I remember those moments so vividly. It was as if I was standing there with you, watching the events take place. I was […]

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  • The first ultrasound

    Posted on August 9, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Our Rainbow.

    8 weeks and 3 days. Our little peanut is 8 weeks and 3 days according to Melissa, our dear friend and my midwife. Melissa delivered Morgan and she grew close to us during the days of Morgan’s struggle at Levine Children’s Hospital. She is a wonderful woman and EXTREMELY talented at what she does. Ever […]

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  • The hard days

    Posted on July 27, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Life after Death.

      Some days are just harder. There is no rhyme or reason to it. They just are. Today is one of those days. I’m here in Florida. Don’t get too jealous – I’m working, not playing. It’s been just an all around rough day. I’ve felt a wide range of emotions for so many reasons. […]

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  • Sunshine, storms and rainbows

    Posted on July 21, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Our Rainbow.

    Oh boy… So many emotions. Excitement, nervous, overjoyed… is it possible to feel ALL of these in one moment? This day is proof it is possible. This moment. This momentous, huge, exhilarating moment. I think of you, sweet Morgan. You and God sat here and wrapped this lovely gift as a way to say “it’s […]

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  • Happy First Birthday…in heaven

    Posted on July 12, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Letters to Morgan.

    Dear Morgan, Oh that precious day, on year ago. When I saw you for the first time. When I kissed you and loved on you and heard you cry so loud. You. You are so loved. It was a whirlwind day – but those first few hours, when we knew nothing about your special heart. […]

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  • Happy Birthday sweet girl

    Posted on July 12, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Life after Death.

    Dear Morgan, Today is your first birthday. One year ago today, at 3:35 am, you came into this world kicking and screaming… full of fight. You cried for the longest of all my babies! That was such a sign that you weren’t willing to put up with anything you didn’t like. One year ago today […]

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  • Reflecting – almost 9 months into grief

    Posted on June 30, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Life after Death.

    Grief makes you pay attention to the strangest things. I wake up every day. I shower. I work. I think about what we should eat. I do some housework. It’s all so very calculated. I used to get excited about the day. It is pretty rare for that to happen these days. And the excitement […]

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  • 11 months old

    Posted on June 12, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Letters to Morgan, Life after Death.

    11 months old today. Gosh… it seems so long ago. Like an eternity, really. I feel like it has been forever since I held you – yet I have the constant reminders of you each day. Like my thoughts of you, my “hello-I-have-birthed-4-babies” body, your big sister Brooklyn who says she misses you all the […]

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  • 8 Months and Counting

    Posted on June 9, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Letters to Morgan, Life after Death.

    Dear Morgan, So we are planning your birthday. While we should be looking at cute little outfits, smash cakes, presents and things to brighten your day, we are looking at how to celebrate you but also thank those who were there for us when you were born, and when you were gone. I want to […]

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  • Missing you still

    Posted on May 27, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Letters to Morgan, Life after Death.

    Dear Morgan, It’s incredible to me that I’ve survived you being gone for over 7 months now. How is that possible?  God I miss you. I know you see that I took your urn upstairs the other night. I missed having you next to me at night while we slept. It’s obviously not the same […]

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  • A Mother’s Love

    Posted on May 18, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Life after Death.

    I was a child once. My mother held me as a newborn and loved me like I love my own. It’s a deep love. Like no other. I was a child once. My mother showed me so much, shared the world with me and taught me to love, have fun and that if you crush […]

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  • Mother’s Day to those who have lost

    Posted on May 7, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Life after Death.

    I have 4 kids.  Not 3. Even though you can’t see, touch, smell or hear my #4, she is still mine. Every second, minute, hour and day of the year for the rest of my God-given life will she be my #4. Even on Mother’s day. I also have three other children. We aim to […]

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  • 10 Things I’ve Learned in 10 Years

    Posted on April 23, 2015 by Kristina Smith in Life after Death.

    I found a photo of my husband and I from 10 years ago. We looked so young! We looked so happy and innocent and…young. We were both carrying about 40 lbs less, we had great skin, we were tan from our summer spent outside in the California sunshine. But beyond that, we were innocent.  So […]

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