We couldn’t believe it was still Saturday. Sitting in the NICU and holding/caring for Morgan in a low-lit room where there are no windows to the outside world and the room is filled with wires, monitors, pumps and alarms – it’s like being on another planet. Walking through the doors to a dim lighted hallway of cubicles of incubators meant to keep perfect environments for little humans… It feels almost like a laboratory. The rooms are very quiet, there aren’t many visitors. Only nurses and doctors walking around. There was one couple we saw who visited their infant but they were only there for maybe 15-20 minutes. This was surprising to me. All I wanted to do was be with my baby, hold my baby and care for my baby. Maybe this hospital just has a lot of babies from other states? Maybe mothers recoving from childbirth who could not be there? Who knows…

    Our nurse was great. She explained how they worked in the NICU. They do “rounds” in the morning at 8:30 and recommend that you be there for when they review your baby’s stats. “this would be a great time to ask any questions”. However, what we found was the nurses are very OK with giving information too. We didn’t know anything at this point – will we be heading to surgery in one week – two weeks – a month…? We didn’t know. All we knew was that we needed to worry about our baby getting home safely, and we needed to support any decisions made by doctors to get to that point.

    We met Dr. Fisher – the neonatologist. He was a straightforward, professional doctor that seemed to have quite a bit of experience. We liked him. He made us instantly feel like we weren’t alone in this. We still felt alone, but not ALONE regarding the situation at hand.

    We held Morgan and loved on her for a few hours. She loved to be rocked, held and fed. Like most newborns, she hated her diaper to be changed. I started to think about all the newborn size diapers at home – one I already opened during my pregnancy just to be in awe of the smallness…. who knew that I wouldn’t be able to use them! It seems silly, right? Here I have a very sick baby and I’m thinking of the diapers…


    Daddy holding Morgan in the NICU

    Shock is a strange phenomenon. I don’t exactly recall what time of day we left the NICU. They offered a room for us to sleep in but, as hard as it was to not be close to our new little angel, we thought it was best to go home and get some sleep. We had been awake for two days, hadn’t eaten since breakfast and we intellectually knew that we had to make sure to take care of ourselves. It was pretty obvious she was in great hands so we left.

    There go the tears again….

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